Hi, thanks for having me.

Okay, right. So, Impulse Self Defense is right now focused on women and girls. That's purely because I've been a young girl and a teenager and I'm a woman, so I've got a unique perspective in terms of certain scenarios and situations. But mainly it's to empower young girls in feeling more confident, in being able to set boundaries, in being able to recognize red flags, and yeah, have the relevant combat skills that are realistic.

Yeah, it's definitely something global but I guess I first realized it during Covid. So I had the first idea of it was when domestic abuse cases were rising around the world. And that's when I first thought, 'Hmm, with my martial arts experience and with all of my own past experiences, is there something that I could do?' And then it was only after moving to Dubai where I taught Taekwondo here for a couple of years and I met loads of teens and I met loads of young people and they were telling me how they plan to go to university abroad, in the UK, in America, wherever, and I'm thinking, 'Yeah, it's not quite like Dubai.' And I think Dubai, although it's super safe, it does give you a false sense of security. I know for me especially when I go back to the UK, when I'm in London, I have to remind myself, 'Oh yeah, I can't just leave my phone there. Oh, I have to be aware of where I am in the tube and who's that and what's going on.' So yeah.

Ooh, there are a few. I think I'm going to focus on the two biggest ones for me. The first misconception with self-defense is that it's just all about fighting. And if you imagine it in your head, like for example, what do you picture when you...

Amazing. Yeah, that's it exactly and that does happen and that's very dramatic and it's all about the fighting part. Whereas the majority of self-defense actually happens before anything physical. So it's your awareness and using your voice, your body language, and de-escalation strategies before the combat skills come into play. So I think that's the biggest misconception is that it's all about fighting. And then the second one, which blows my mind even now, the statistics globally, especially for women and girls, are that if you are going to be attacked, it is most likely going to be by someone you know. So again, when you picture self-defense you think of you're walking alone late at night, it's dark, and an unknown person, a stranger jumps out at you with a weapon. I'm not saying that doesn't happen, but statistics show that it's most likely going to be someone you know and even more likely to be your intimate partner. Which is terrifying. And then from that, the next scary statistic is that the most dangerous place for a woman is in her own home. Which, that just blows my mind. So yes, of course there's opportunists and there's situations which happen like that and the stranger danger, but from those statistics, the terrifying idea or the terrifying truth is that it's most likely going to be someone you know and it could possibly most likely be in your home.

So definitely trusting your intuition is the main one. And going beyond just being told 'Be careful,' which is what we're all told and we all say, but I think better advice would be your safety should always come before anyone else's comfort or feelings. And I wasn't taught that when I was younger. And once you are able to set your boundaries, you are aware, your body language changes. It filters through other areas of your life. You are more confident, you might be more assertive, you might not feel guilt or shame by leaving a situation that you're uncomfortable in. Whereas I know that I wouldn't have done that when I was younger.

Yeah, smile, be polite. Yeah, I agree. And although of course you need manners, obviously, but context is everything. And like I said, I wish that I was taught that instead of being 'be careful', your safety always comes first. Just leave.

Self-defense should never be based on fear, but it needs to be based on reality. So for example, there's something called false confidence where that's I guess walking around thinking that nothing's ever bad—nothing bad's ever going to happen to you. Whereas self-defense prepares you for just in case. It's like insurance in your back pocket. You hope you never need it but it's great to know that it's there. So my classes, I focus on scenario-based training. So usually it's something that I've been through or that I know something of. And we talk about it. It could be anything from consent to drinks spiking to being followed to all of these things that may happen. And I always ask their opinions first, we talk about it, and then we—I show them different scenarios and different moves, different combat techniques, different perspectives, and it's more of a conversation rather than 'You should do this, you should do this because bad things happen.'

The fight, flight or freeze is, yeah, everything happens in a split second. So if you could rely on your muscle memory to be able to—well, to help you in that situation. Even simple things like some of the girls like, most of them don't know how to make a fist. You know, things like that. And I know that's really basic but being able to strike effectively and getting the correct parts of the body in that split second is really important.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So even things like even if my students remember to protect the most important part of their body which is their head, their brain, get the hands up, or when they do strike they do it with force or they hit the right place.

No, it's important that my students have the confidence in knowing that they can do something if they need to because they've done that training. They do know how to punch, they do know how to elbow, they do know how to knee, they do know where to strike someone effectively. Rather than, yeah, you see a lot in the films a lot of like this.

Which is, yeah, which is awful. But um, so yeah, so that's where the Muay Thai and kickboxing training especially comes into play. And then when it comes to more technical stuff where wrist grabs, chokes, all these things, that's where Jiu-Jitsu and Krav Maga are really good. But like I said, everything, situations like that that arise and they're like instant and you're not prepared for them, it happens in a split second. So that's why, yeah, half of what self-defense is is recognizing things before they happen.

I mean it depends, it's all on context really. But yeah, I think it's more about if you're uncomfortable and you want to leave, you should allow yourself, 'Yeah, I'm going to leave.' Because people that have strong boundaries, great awareness skills and are confident in themselves, they're harder to manipulate. And especially I think body language is something—you were saying...

Yeah, so you don't want to be an easy target. So things like predators when they're profiling people, if you think about your body language, if you're walking and shuffling or if you're looking around and you're lost and you know, you don't know what you're doing. Whereas if you're back straight, confident stride, even if you don't know where you're going, you walk with purpose. Even something as simple as that is off-putting. There's something called the Crime Triangle where it's motivation, opportunity, and means. So and if you take away one of those, it gets harder. Yeah, it's not an easy target. So for example, I speak to my students about drinks spiking. So if we use that Crime Triangle of opportunity. So have you left your drink on the bar or in a cafe, wherever you are, and you go to the toilet and then you come back and then you drink it? Like there's an opportunity there for someone to put something in your drink. The motivation, like you've got to think what is that person's motivation? Do you know them? Are they angry with you? Have you just had a fight? Whatever it is. And then the means which is the actual drug. So if you can take away one of those things...

Yeah, exactly.

Overreacting? Oh, yeah I think women especially are guilty of that because we're told a lot to calm down, be quiet, to silence ourselves. Don't be rude, smile, all of these things. I think the easiest answer for that is like so what if you're overreacting? Okay so you thought someone was following you so you did the necessary steps, you confirmed it, you crossed the road, there's all these different things that you can do. And then perhaps after your internal risk assessment you decide to turn around and be like 'Why are you following me?' And it just actually turns out that they're just walking home. So you feel like an idiot, you feel like you've overreacted but so? You're still safe. Nothing happened. Who cares? And yeah, and I think that's a very sexist comment as well, I think.

Ooh well yeah that's a good... First thing is to set your boundaries and stick to them. And so for example my boundaries are always a three strike rule. So I have strike one: I'll ask you, I'll be nice about it, please can you leave me alone? Step two is I'll tell. I'll get my voice will rise, yeah, and I'll probably use different language. Let's just say 'back off'. And then the third strike is if someone makes contact with me and tries to touch me and then yeah that's when something will kick in whatever, depends on context obviously. But I think for kids especially, the best thing that little kids can say is 'You're not my mom' or 'You're not my dad' or you know 'Ah I don't know you!' Because that will get more attention. Because let's think, when we walk around we're hearing kids screaming or like shouting or being loud. For teenagers, yeah similar thing or just yeah, it's just more about having the confidence to raise your voice as opposed to being silent and being quiet. It's like no, if you feel unsafe or something is wrong, use your voice and yeah, get out and hope it doesn't escalate and get out of there or make sure it doesn't escalate.

But that's where confidence can be taught. This is where you train at it. And you can only do that in a safe environment and where you feel empowered and it feels safe to do so. Because yeah, safety gives you options and yeah, it just means freedom.

Again I think it's more about having the conversations which I never had when I was little. All my experiences are lived experiences, it wasn't that I was taught to look out for certain things. And I think parents sometimes assume the worst and perhaps... and I know that parents of some of my students in particular here in Dubai, it's public transport, taxi safety is a big one. And another one is some of my students have told me that they've been followed when they're on the beach. And a few guys have followed them. So it's more about reassurance for the parents that I'm not teaching these kids how to, you know, kill people. It's more about...

They end up in prison, yeah. Because obviously there are different laws in different countries but there's a universal law. So last year I did an SIA course which is for a CP, a Close Protection officer, a bodyguard. And you learn the law. And essentially around the world self-defense is you match the threat level. So for example a choke cannot be misconstrued as in that's about control and terrifying. So with that, if you really feel like your life is in danger, you do whatever you have to to get out of it. But for example if it's just, especially with kids in Dubai, when I think about growing up back in the UK especially in London, you know, knowing the difference between some person that's been drinking and just wants some banter, maybe you're on a night bus or whatever home or on the tube, and differentiating that between 'Oh this is serious, I should really deal with this.' But reacting in a way where you knock the person out or you use too much force. Like I don't want to teach anything to anybody that can get them into trouble. But it's that line of knowing, no, if you feel like your life is in danger you do whatever you have to to save it because self-defense is all about escaping.

Yeah, so as I said in every class I always start it with some sort of scenario. And then depending on how it goes and what the kids say, because you know sometimes I do ask 'So has anybody actually been followed?' And I am surprised by that, yeah actually I have. Or they tell me something that's maybe happened abroad, like when they've been on holiday or when they've gone back home. And if there's something that I'm like 'Okay, ooh, does do your parents know about that?' And they're like 'Yeah yeah yeah but I didn't really go into it.' And I'm like 'Okay I might just have a chat with your parents about that if that's okay.' And that's fine. And then yeah that's when I speak with the parents like 'Were you aware that this happened?' or that she felt this...

No because they don't know and that's not a bad thing it's just maybe at the time they didn't think it was a big deal and there was no open conversation about it. And I guess I'm another adult in their life that they can talk to. But I've asked directly that question haven't I? 'How did that make you feel?' So yeah there's a lot, I speak a lot with parents about what I'm teaching and what I'm doing and yeah because it's good to carry on those conversations at home.

Even if you shout 'Mom' as well. You'll be surprised how many women especially are like 'What's wrong? Are you okay?' Even if you're not their mom.

Of course. Yes. Yeah, of course. When you feel like you, no, I'm totally prepared for this. I could handle this. As opposed to 'I don't know' as in you're coming at it from a strong position rather than a weaker position should anything happen because you've had this sort of training.

The intimate partner. Yeah.

I think someone isolating you. As in they're slowly but surely kind of removing you from your friendship groups... No, not removing, like convincing you to step away from your friendship groups. Keeping secrets. Asking you to keep secrets on certain things so you have to lie about where you are or what you're doing to your friends and your family. I think those are probably the earliest signs that I, well it's advice I've given my students before. Because yeah it's a form of control. And eventually like I said with recognizing of the red flags and the awareness before anything happens, spotting these signs early is super important.

Oh there's so many risks now. I'm not going to touch on the whole AI Grok thing that's going on right now with the undressing of children. But that's obviously the rise of AI and that whole thing. But yeah I have a story because I talk a lot about how kids who are born and raised in Dubai don't have street smarts. And street smarts can't be talked—taught, you are, you have to live them. It's kind of lived experience, it's not something that you can get unless you've lived through it. However I think that kids nowadays especially are so much more globally aware of things going on than I ever was as a kid. I was very insular. Of course this is the years before mobile phones could do what they do now. And you know, kids today, even if they don't know much about it, they've heard the words. Epstein files. Oh yeah. Male loneliness epidemic. Did he? All this stuff. And even if they don't research into it they've heard certain words around this. And I don't remember like, I wouldn't have had any of that when I was let's say 11, 12, 13. So although they don't have street smarts, what I consider street smarts comparing it to maybe adults that were born and raised elsewhere, the Dubai kids are definitely more globally aware because they're with everyone here is from everywhere. So they lack those street smarts but I think they already have more street smarts online than we do as adults. So I had a really interesting, awful experience with trolls. I posted a video, it went viral. For some reason it got pushed to America. I don't know why. It was when I was, it was my fellow black belt instructor friend and I... he was overpowering me and he ends up on top of me and basically the whole thing is I'm doing everything wrong and the whole premise of the video was just basically me saying it's really important for me to bring in a surprise male attacker occasionally into my class to test the girls because when we're training with each other we're the same sort of height, with the same gender, we're all of that. So to feel that power level also, yeah, they're taller, they're heavier, they're bigger, it just feels different. Anyway so the whole video, maybe it was just a bit too nuanced for social media because nobody read the caption or nobody read the descriptions. And it was brutal. It got racist real fast. Oh. With the attacker not being the right color. It got the usual like 'You're doing the moves wrong.' It's like I know, for goodness sake. Yeah.

Unfortunately so this is like tips right? I shouldn't, I obsessively looked at every single person's profile. That wasn't a troll. You can tell the ones which are trolls but actual people I would go through and look at them and be like 'Oh you are a man. Great.' And it's yeah, it sucks. And yeah but then it got violent and it got you know men threatening to come into my class and grape my students. Oh my god. And threatening to... yeah. And I couldn't believe it. And in hindsight I should have turned off the comments way before I did. But it's because the first ones were just idiots. Like 'You're doing it wrong' or 'The attacker's not...'

Exactly. It's like 'I know' or like 'The attacker's not going 100%.' And it's like 'Of course he's not. We're in a dojo. There's mats on the floor. He's wearing a groin guard. Like of course it's not real life. He's not actually trying to kill me.' So yeah and but I should—I didn't realize how quickly overnight you wake up and you're like 'Ah' you got all these comments from men around the world telling me that they're going to do awful things. And that made me realize, wow, if I was, I don't know, when did I start? I started Aikido at 11, kickboxing at about 17. So let's say I was 17 today and I posted a video of myself, 'Oh look I got my next belt' or whatever or 'Look at me sparring, this is I won.' And then having to deal with those sorts of comments. The mental strain of that and learning how to handle it, I think that has to happen now super early. So yeah, online safety is something that I am definitely delving into more because again with the street smarts, I knew—I know this happens. Of course I do. But until it happened to me and I know and I knew how it felt, it's like oh my goodness.

So I... obviously with the trolls and things block, delete, report, all the very violent ones. But yeah essentially I turned them off and I... I should... some people said you should remove the video but I'm like 'No. This fuels my female rage and it made... it kind of reconfirmed no no you're on the right track you should keep doing this.' So that's what I did. That was a personal choice. Yeah so I just turned off the comments. The video is still up there just to remind me like... yeah. To just keep going.

Especially with gaming online. And you know you're talking...

Yes. So the whole idea of online safety is the scope is huge now. Yeah. So I think that's becoming just as important. So street smarts online as well as street smarts in real life.

No. Exactly. No, all of these things which I think to us as adults that didn't grow up with that it's so obvious right? But of course these kids...

You can't live your life thinking that everyone's out to get get you but you have to be realistic. And the only way to be realistic is to be educated and to be informed of things that have happened and could happen but dealt with in a way that isn't to scare them because like can you imagine being that age and being told like about pedophiles?

New to them but it's I think yeah it's knowing that they can talk to you about it. It's opening up that communication line because yeah like I said learning about things like pedophiles, like anything to do with adults and children. I mean you said your son was 12? Yeah. Yeah. So kids are online, kids have phones like what like at I don't know eight years old? Younger? I just again that blows my mind but again the lived experience thing I didn't have that when I was growing up so that's why I say about the street smarts. Yeah there has to be street smarts online as well as in real life.

In real time. Yeah.

Again yeah so we learnt it as adults these are they're learning them it as kids which is fantastic but you you have to start you have to start talking to your children about this.

Always, yeah. A trusted adult. No one's going to be angry with you I think is the point.

Yeah and there are new laws about that now. Yeah.

Yeah. A trusted adult and never feel embarrassed or with shame about it and yeah and you're not going to get into trouble. You just need to you need to tell the truth because like I said the the mental load of some things that can happen and you keep it inside it's it's abuse essentially. Yeah. And them them being able to verbalize it and talk about it is gonna yeah it's just gonna make everything better rather than keeping it inside.

Ooh okay well it's all personal. I'm really picky when it comes to instructors throughout my whole martial arts career. But now I'm thinking about it, all my instructors were male. Which isn't a bad thing. But I was always really uh I I would have the confidence to walk into a club and be like 'Nah this is not for me.' Either because maybe the instructor called me 'Oh hello sweetheart' and it's like 'No' already that said no thank you. But in self-defense, so hmm, there are a lot of ex-military that teach self-defense which is great and there are a lot of self-defense classes that focus on usually one martial art. And it could be Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, it could be Krav Maga. And which is great, both of them are great. But I personally think the best self-defense class is one that doesn't affiliate with a one particular discipline, it incorporates a lot of them. Like me. Okay. So just because there are so many different ways to let's say get out of a wrist grab for example. And which one is that you might use or which one is best for you, you have to pick from a lot of different options. But you need to be given those options because you never in self-defense there are no rules, you don't know what's going to happen. So to have different insights from different experiences, different martial arts, all of these things I think is really important when you're choosing a class. Oh also the ratio between women and men in the class. And it's not unheard of for the ratio to be like men higher percentage in the class of men. Which is which is great but I I now like back in the day I was always the only girl in the martial arts classes. But yeah now it's changed which is great. It's still not 50/50 yet from my experience but there's definitely more women now in in that space and it's fantastic. So I would now if I was choosing a club I would choose one that had yeah it was a good ratio of men and women in there.

I started martial arts at 11 but research has shown that as young as five is the best time to start this. Okay. Because it helps with coordination, it helps with motor skills, it helps with controlling your emotions and it yeah if it has to be age appropriate obviously but you can start introducing like the conversations we've just had just start talking slightly gently in a way that again does not scare them but it's like you know 'Hands up who's got a mobile phone?' and I think in Dubai maybe some five-year-olds will put their hands up. And then and then yeah and then it opens the the avenue of speaking to parents it's like do you have parental controls do you like how how does this work? Because like I said this is so new to me because I never had that growing up. But yeah in terms of uh for self-defense especially any age because it's never too late I guess. I think everybody should have this basic foundation. Men, women, all genders, it doesn't matter.

That's a good question. That's a good question. Ooh what's the one thing I want people to take away... Okay so my tagline or slogan is called Be Your Own Hero. And essentially that is to you know promote you standing up for yourself because if you're not going to do it who else would? And I'm a millennial so I grew up in you know Disney films where the prince comes to save you and I'm not saying don't ask for help or like anything like that but it's knowing that you can do something and you can you and you should be able to rely on yourself. So yeah be your own hero I think.

I've hammered home about the fact that self-defense isn't just fighting and it shouldn't be viewed that way even though we think that.

Yes I do. So I teach in two schools at the moment. Hopefully more for the next term. And I'm just expanding my classes across Dubai. So yeah and as I said right now it's girls, teens and women. That's the obvious choice, I'm a startup, I'm a new business so stick to what you know. But yes soon it will also be mixed classes and boys specific classes.

Thank you.